What’s Next

I wonder if others have felt like I do right now. Waiting. Waiting for what, is the question. I have a sense of impending ‘something,’ but I can’t put a finger on it. I don’t believe it is impending doom, but I think change is coming again and I resist. Even though I am older now, it has always been a challenge for me to sit easily with change.

I know the stereotype of an older person is one of inflexibility. I don’t believe I am an inflexible person, but then would I know it or admit it, if true. So assuming I am not inflexible, what is this opposition I have to an adjustment in my life? Perhaps it is because change has not really been positive in my adult existence.

As a grown-up I have experienced the loss of friends (through relocation); the loss of innocence when Morgan was so ill as a baby; the loss of Alex as a tragic event which nearly cost me my own life and almost redefined my very DNA; the loss of that feeling of ‘All is right in my world.’

Maybe I hit on the answer, above, when I said the loss of innocence. When things happen to us, we can no longer view the world through those ‘rose-colored glasses.’ I know many in society have never been able to do that, but I fooled myself into thinking that my life was impervious to tragedy because I held on with a death-grip. If I could control all around me, then nothing bad could happen. What I soon discovered is that I have absolutely no control in this world other than what comes out of my mouth and what I think.

So once again change is coming into my life. I can feel it, but I refuse to dwell in the place of negativity. That is a dwelling without hope, and I can never return to it. My next change will be about a lovely retirement with my beloved husband and a happy life for my sweet son. And of course I cannot forget Truffle. She brings a smile to my face all day, everyday. She was change, and that was a wonderful thing.

Come on ‘CHANGE,’ let’s step it up to a positive realm, but maybe it could be more of a fair fight this time. It is only right.