Again

Today I heard from a friend, who had been thinking about me, because another friend of hers had lost her son in a car accident on Friday. As many know, my son/our son, died in a car crash on March 15, 1994. That is over 15-years ago, and yet it can sometimes feel like yesterday. As I ponder the family who have now joined the ranks of the-many-who-have-lost-a-child-to-death, I can be blown back to that time and intensity of loss. I do fight this off as much as possible, because it does not serve me or anyone I love. It will not bring Alex back. I want to be able to help the newly bereaved in small ways, and so I must protect myself from myself and wandering into no-mans-land.
Those who have not been around a newly bereaved family can help by not saying things that are hurtful, such as; “God must have needed him” or assorted other things like that. Whatever a persons spiritual belief, that doesn’t help in the moment. Coping with the death is paramount, along with grieving, and finding a new way to be in the world without the beloved child in it. Say nothing except you are sorry, and hold your friend. Perhaps a meal brought in would be very helpful. Hang in there, because this is the fire-pit that shows real friendship, which becomes deeper and forever. The bereaved family will never forget your kindnesses.