Frame of Mind

So when the body quit working, the creative writing juices dried up! Life continues anyway, and I am finding my way.

The last year has been filled with lack of mobility and pain. This was not totally unexpected given my diagnosis, but the reality is different than the expectation. Things seemed hopeless for a while but I have this will of iron which I inherited from my mother. If I can survive the death of my beloved son, then I will not be victim to the dysfunction of my body. I may not be able to do everything I want, but I can continue to live again.

Much of moving past the “cannot” in life is frame of mind. I have found that staying in the self-pity mode will not work for me. It can be a comforting place of ‘not fair’ for a period, but before long it is easy to start drowning in despair. I have visited the land of despair before and do not ever want to go there again.

It is delightful to be living in the 21st century. I am receiving state of the art and up to the minute Neurological Stimulation Therapy, which involves placement of electrodes in my spine and a very small battery located near it. It is a bit like a pacemaker for the spine. The electrical current displaces the pain, and leaves a vibration feeling in the back, legs, and feet, instead of the nerve burning. It also is unlocking the muscles and allowing for much improved walking and standing. The final surgery will take place in a couple of weeks. I am just completing the trial now.

I have never wanted this blog to be sad and serious, but sometimes life can be serious. This wonderful technology will allow me to start over physically. I can exercise again. I always loved to walk and swim, and perhaps some of that will come back into my life. Maybe I can once again just run into a store to pick something up without having to use a scooter. A little shopping would be fun! I might even go back into the work world. I can see new vistas in the horizon.

I feel blessed with the outstanding medical care being directed at me from amazing doctors. I am surrounded by loving family and friends and am fortunate to have medical insurance. There are many things to be grateful for, and I know it. I will continue to deal with physical issues as they may arise. Hopefully the creative juices are returning and this will be the first of a new series of postings.