Musings

April 1, 2010 and May 28, 2010

I am noticing the days slip by, as time marches forward. I have been in a reflective mood and looking at the scope of my life thus far. This one life includes all those lives who have been in relationship with me. The children of John and I, and of my friends have grown and continued on into their destiny. I witness our adult children have lives that no longer revolve around their family of origin, but around their adult families and friends. It doesn’t mean that they do not care, just like it didn’t mean that I did not care. It is the evolution of a life, and it is being witnessed by we elders; those who have gone before.

It seems a distant past since I was that young woman, raising the boys. It all happened so fast. While I have much life still in front of me, it now gives me insight to look at the past. Our past is an early indicator of our future; still to be determined. I wouldn’t have wanted a crystal ball to know what was ahead, but outside of Alex’s death, there is not much I would change.

I remain grateful for all those people who are either in my life, or have passed through on their own journey. Each person has touched me in a unique way, and I would not be who I am without that imprint.

I read a quote in the Oregonian from a Reverend Marilyn Sewell, which speaks to that which I have learned:

“Grief turns out to be our best teacher. It comes with loss and hangs around like a faithful dog until we learn what we need to know. When we are awake and engaged in the moment, fully alive, we find we are not so dependent on person or place. And in that freedom, we become unconstrained in our choices, fearless in our loving. We have come home at last.”

This says what I feel and know. I choose not to judge, but to accept and love. It is a freedom which had eluded me for many years, but I have reached for it since March 1994. I now try to stay in the moment, “awake and engaged.”

Terri