Reading

I feel very grateful that in this life of mine, which is becoming narrower by virtue of disability, that I have a love of reading. Always there is a book with me; there always has been one.

I remember years ago friends telling me that reading would become a thing of the past when I had children. That really didn’t happen. If a person wants to read bad enough, a way will be found. I always took time here and there to read a book.

My children witnessed this, of both myself and their dad, and they became avid readers. I remember Larry Peterson, the principal at Alex’s high school, telling everyone at Alex’s funeral that this boy always had a paperback tucked in his back pocket. He would take Larry into these lands of fantasy when they spent some time together before the class that Larry was teaching. I still have the bookmark in the spot where Alex reached in the Star Trek book he was reading.

I lost my reading desire, except for books about grief, after Alex left us. But slowly the desire to be swept away into a different life found its way back into my psyche. It took a long time for the complex novels and speed to come back to me, but it finally did.

Over my lifetime, part of my reading has been the joy of ownership of the books that I so love. I would buy what I wanted to read, and a bookstore was my candy land. After Alex’s death, though, I no longer felt the need to own that which gave me so much pleasure. Slowly I have donated much in my own little library, and have never regretted it.

During this time I discovered Wilinet, which is an acronym for the Washington County Library Online. A search can be made through this service, which is free, to locate any book in any library within Washington County. When located, I can have it sent to my local library in Sherwood, and pick it up there. This can take as little as one day, or if it is a new bestseller, months. I am okay with this. I always have a book in my hand, but feel good about returning it.

Now John is doing the same thing. We are saving tons of money. Being avid readers can be very costly, and as we approach retirement we are becoming more frugal. I love this as a way to “have my cake and eat it too.” As we prepare to sell our house within the next couple of years, I will continue to purge the books I love, but do not need to be with me.

I am attaching a link for Wilinet for those who live in Washington County and would like to give it a try. Happy Reading!

Season of Change

On this crisp fall day, dangling my feet in icy creek water, I gaze in awe at the kaleidoscope of fall colors bursting forth from the trees and foliage. I breathe in that special autumn tang, which is the unmistakable and the undeniable existence of movement from the summer season. This mellow time of year has finally arrived, and all my senses know it.

I want to wallow in this luxurious bed of leaves, and listen to them crackle beneath me. I can almost taste my contentment as this season of change moves forward. The temperature is perfect for this special time of reflection in mother earth’s sanctuary of water and trees.

Fall is really here in all its uniqueness, solitude, and beauty. I could stay in this moment forever, as my wounds feel soothed and my psyche is comforted. What greater gift is there than these moments which renew our very being?

Kindness

Sometimes the mind just likes to swirl around and not land on anything specific. I feel like writing, but do not have a specific subject in mind.

I notice this fall, that there are several of my friends in distress….sad times. I worry about them and am not able to help. I know the futility of wishing this, so mostly I try and just listen. I remember that is all I really wanted was an ear of comfort and empathy. Outside of feeding someone who is hungry, or providing clothing, etc for others to keep warm, there is little that can be done for heartbreak, except pray.

Most of my friends are of a similar age to me. We have some issues that resonate, and hearts which can be broken. It is pretty amazing, though, how a broken heart can be pieced back together. But to my mind, it is never an exact fit again. There are gaps and jagged edges which just do not go away. We carry the scars of each battle, be it our own grief or hurting for others.
I do think this torn up heart becomes a better citizen of the world. It has experienced so much agony, that it is ready to accept others for their reality, and try not to judge to harshly.

I know that I am ready for kindness. The world has become very unkind everywhere, be it our own politics or world matters. It is sometimes forgotten that we each have our own world view, and that it is not necessarily about making others unhappy. Kindness for no other reason than to be kind, is one of the best things in this world.